PLANT KILLER!

Can we talk about plants?  It appears there are two kinds of people in this world:  those who are good with plants - and those who tend to kill them.

I am part of the latter group.

I don´t pretend to understand this.  I water, I fertilize, I look for proper amounts of sun & shade. (I draw the line at talking or singing to them.)  Somehow, those little suckers defy me every time.  They die off faster than flies on an electric zapper.

Since flowers and plants are high on the ¨gift list¨ for the ill, we have received quite a number of lovely things over the last few months.  Don´t get me wrong, I ADORE plants & flowers.  I LOVE their color, their smell & their life and I have totally enjoyed everything that everyone has brought.  But I break out in a sweat when someone appears with a plant, ¨Because it will last you longer than cut flowers.¨    Not in my house it won´t!

Among my varying responsibilities since Jenna´s diagnosis, caring for these plants & flowers has fallen to me.  Why does God punish me like this?  I do the best I can, but I am slowly killing off these beauties one by one.

It might be ok if people gave us hearty, tough-to-kill plants.  But, no.  Ironically, we seem to receive one of the most delicate plants in the world to care for: orchids.   If you want to give me a plant, do me a favor and give me a fake one!  But NO.  Not only do we get plants.  We get orchids.

I have killed 4 orchids so far.  

I knew I was in trouble with the first one.  The two friends who brought it to Jenna said a bit apologetically, ¨It takes some special care.¨ What does that mean?!  When they came for their second visit, I had to confess to its murder.  They laughingly said the sales lady talked so long about how to take care of it they thought you had to have an MA in Orchids to own one.  Apparently they were right!

In my defense, it has been a tough year with plenty of distractions & other priorities.  When Jenna´s in the hospital it is impossible to keep up with everything.  I can certainly handle ¨Water twice a week.¨ or ¨Give plenty of sun.¨ But ¨Wipe any telltale dust off its leaves delicately with a Q-tip.¨ is quite definitely out of my league.  Especially when there is a lot going on in my life.  If the learning curve for a plant is too steep, it´s only a matter of time ´til it´s pronounced dead at our house.

The annoying thing about orchids at my house is that they´ve lost all their pretty flowers but they still have green leaves.  So we hang on to them.  I read that it can take up to 5 years for an orchid to bloom!    That is entirely too slow for my floral patience scale.  When cut flowers are dead, they get ugly & stink.  You don´t feel bad about throwing them out.  You can have respect for flowers like that.  But these orchids are just hanging on flowerless...haunting me and and taunting my abilities (or lack thereof).  Sometimes we stick some other things with color in them (hearts on a stick, jewels, fake blossoms) to kind of cover up my crime but it´s only a matter of time ´til I´m discovered.

Please, people.  Do any sick friends you have a favor - before you bring them a plant, ask them if they have a green thumb.  Otherwise, stick to fake flowers, cut flowers, or better yet, everyone´s favorite - chocolate!



SPECIAL NOTE:  To the precious friends who have with love & no small effort blessed us with orchids, please be sure that your gesture goes on in my heart...it´s just that your flowers have not gone on in this life.  Please forgive me!!!!



P.S.  A couple weeks later a friend gave me this fake orchid!!  It´s PERFECTA, Ginny!! hahaha