LIKE A BRUISED REED

Like a bruised reed

my trust bends,

struggling to straighten.

It has been hit many times,

knocked over in its tenderness,

swept under in spite of its fierce intention.

Yet it continues to vulnerably battle -

to believe, to appropriate, to strength train;

It longs for new faith to rise up in victory.

Believing used to be easy

After tragedy, it was work

Not exactly mistrust...

for I trust His character.

But the shocking phenomenon of so many paradoxes

complicating my understanding and faith...

these have rocked my world.

Prayer is not what I thought -

not just because I didn´t get what I most wanted

But because thousands of others could not change His mind.

Faith is not what I thought - 

it is so much more than the mustard seed

more than the motive,

more than the perseverance,

more than the love.

Healing is not what I thought

It feels random because we cannot see into those realms -

Realms where the bigger kingdom picture is clear

realms where heaven and earth meet

realms we cannot pierce in our humanity.

Some are not healed with all the faith in the world

While others are healed with a single prayer.

God has the right.

But I am perplexed.

Why are some people´s mountains moved and mine not?

Why do some people suffer so much and others hardly at all?

Why do some people "just believe" and proclaim

While others do the same thing and nothing changes?

God has the right.

But I am troubled.

Paradoxes of healing and faith

of prayer and miracles

of my part & God´s part

of asking for what He promises...

but perhaps not receiving it literally,

perhaps not how you expect,

perhaps not even at all...

at least that you can see.

Paradoxes bewilder me

and they have nagged at my foundation.

Oh, Lord! Build my trust reed & let it grow!

Help me to accept the presence 
of both promises & paradoxes,

of simplicity and ambiguity

of certainties and enigmas

of clarity and mystery.

Many things are unclear
but I choose to trust you -
your love, your plans, your grace.
My trust may be a bit ragged,
somewhat fragmented,
even broken in places
but it is there -
I place it in the mystery that is You.
You know best
You deliver what is right,
no matter what it looks like
or feels like
or sounds like
or seems like.
You do all things well.

My trust, like a bruised reed,
calls out to You.

"A bruised reed he will not break,

and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.

In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;

till he establishes justice on earth..."

Isaiah 42:3,4

Photo by: Ron