THOSE 10 DAYS...CELEBRATING FRIENDSHIP

We have definitely been celebrating here lately!  Between our days of vacation and now an invasion of 5 beautiful, fascinating, encouraging women at our house, LIFE & FRIENDSHIP is front & center and our home is full of fun & great conversations!  It would be impossible to describe the emotions of all the LOVE in this home for Jenna and the great sacrifices made by these dear friends to be with her on her birthday.  I have just been blown away by their loyalty & tireless affectionate acts...

L to R:  Carolina (Italy-Lebanon), Dani, Justine (half Armenian, APU/US), Jenna, Hannah (US, Mauritania), Betty (Mexico-CostaRica, Iraq), Saray (Argentina, Uzbekistan, Indonesia)

Justine had had a plan to come since June but it was a surprise for Jenna.  We actually pulled it off and it was so GREAT!!  Dani & I went to pick her up at the airport in the morning and then had Justine take in her morning tea.  We have her reaction on film - shock, surprise, crying, hugging, laughing - awesome.  SO GLAD we pulled it off, Justine!!  Justine graduated with a Business degree from APU in May, is a real foodie & everything roses, gets along with anyone and I can´t wait to see what she may entrepreneur!

For Jenna´s birthday, she whipped up a sugarless, chocolate-banana soufflé - divine!

A few days before she actually arrived, two other friends had arrived who together with one other girl make up an endearing TCK foursome that have not seen each other much but when they have it´s just as deep & dear as before.  They haven´t all been together since 2009 and I have dreamed all year that they would all be able to reunite & it has come true!  Of course, it was all of their dream, too, but it just seemed SO CRAZY that no one ever thought it would really happen!  Thanks to 2 of their Dad´s mileage and 2 churches who are helping with one ticket and some of the taxes, they are all here together.  Wow.

Reunited in Málaga, 2014

Representing Argentina, Morocco, Spain, Iraq, Mexico, Costa Rica,

 Mauritania, US, Uzbekistan & Indonesia between them!

Saray is from Argentina and met Jenna there when they were just young girls.  Later Saray & her family went to Uzbekistan where she spent a good part of her growing up years.  She also later lived for a year plus as a high school student in Indonesia where her parents are currently working.  Bruce & I are very close to her parents and have journeyed with their family all these years.  It is precious to see the special bond Saray & Jenna have that goes back so many years.  Saray is studying in med school in Buenos Aires and is getting married on Jan 10th!

Betty´s parents are Costa Rican and Mexican and currently live in Mexico while she goes to university just over the border.  She grew up in Iraq and her parents still travel all over the region.  I´m so glad she still remembers her Kurdish!  She has been friends with Hannah (the 3rd muskateer) since she was little.  Bruce & I are also close friends with her parents and there are a treasure & inspiration to us.  Betty is studying graphic design.  She has a perfect gentleman of a boyfriend who Hannah introduced her to but I will leave that to her to tell you about!

Hannah flew in from the US but grew up in Mauritania.  She has fluent Arabic and has been able to intern within the region closer to us.  She is studying International Studies at Princeton and her twin brother is at Columbia.  Her parents currently reside in the US and are involved in Reconciliation work.    Her boyfriend, who also grew up speaking Arabic, is in CA in med school in SF.  With her keen interest in NGO´s and ability in languages, we can´t wait to see where she ends up!

Jenna has been with these 3 over the years at various conferences and they just clicked.  They have tons of memories, lots in common & can talk international issues all day & night.  They all love God and as part of this new generation want to make Him known in relevant ways through justice models.  It is an immense treat for them to be all together.

Getting ready for Jenna´s birthday bash.  :)  I´m glad they´re all 

¨taken¨ or we may have had our hands full!  haha

Carolina is Italian but met Jenna during a year abroad in Beirut last year.  She was a great international friend for Jen to have there and they enjoyed many meals, trips to art galleries & historical places in Lebanon.  Carolina´s fascinating family is made up of her Dad who with his family owns an Italian clothing factory (she brought us some shirts!) and her Mom is a film critic who travels to Cannes and the rest!  Carolina majors in Arabic and minors in International Relations.  She´ll be studying Arabic this year in Paris and hopes to finish next year.  We´re so thankful for her loyal friendship and although she has only known Jen since last year, she really wanted to come and visit.  We are so glad she did; she is un encanto!!

Bella Carolina!

Their tea time at one of Jenna´s favorite teterías here in Málaga.

In Beirut, where they met last year.

When Jenna´s actual birthday came around on the 19th, we had a full house & happy hearts.  Her 3 besties from Málaga came over in the morning to do this song & dance for her at breakfast:

L to R:  Leila, Cristy, Sonia

Then they watched a DVD which was a compilation of birthday greetings from friends all over the place!  I was so touched at all the time & work that had gone into that.  Jenna is so blessed with so many great people.

She also was delivered some gorgeous roses from Cristy´s family:

Both Carolina and Hannah arrived during the day and they all went downtown to the old Arab castle in Málaga to walk around before dinner.  Here they are:

Saray made an GREAT homemade, Argentine-style lasagne for dinner and along with fresh salad, bread and wine we had a great feast outside on our front patio.  These pics are a bit dark but you get the idea...

We also were blown away by a special delivery of international cupcakes from the Galloways which were both gorgeous & delicious!!!  It even included one small cake which was both sugarless & white flour-less  for Jenna.  :)  You guys are the best!!

With all the jetlag in the house, everyone fell into bed, happy & tired!

Friday night there is a big ¨Garden¨ party with a bunch of young people invited from Málaga and fortunately,   we´ll have 5 extra sets of hands for that!  Some friends are donating their talents so we can have live music and I´m sure there´ll be lots of surprises since Jenna wants NO gifts, only cards or something creative that doesn´t cost money.  :)

In the meanwhile, since there are 8 women in this house right now until next week, Bruce & Jordan felt it was the perfect opportunity to get away on a backpacking trip just the 2 of them!  They left this morning to get away from all this estrogen!!  haha

Obviously, I´m way behind on the blog because of so many things going on - guests, vacation, patio project, birthday, etc. - but I´ll be trying in this next week to catch up.  We´ve been extremely busy but happy and now it´s time to ¨normalize¨.

These 10 days in particular have been an amazing GIFT.  I feel as if God has given all of us this:

¨When you give it to them

(aka their food...in this case, the food of friendship),

they gather it up;

when you open your hand,

they are satisfied with good things.¨

Psalm 104:28

Here´s to MANY good things!!

I SEEK YOUR FACE - MORE THAN YOUR HAND

                                                                                                                                                                     

I seek Your face -

more than Your hand.

I long for Your presence -

More than Your miracles.

I need Your love -

more than Your power.

Your steadfast accompaniment -

more than any other demonstration.

O God, Your nearness is my good!

Your closeness, my salvation.

I live to be with You

and to show You off to those around me.

If You grant signs & wonders -

open up seas, float bread from heaven,

heal the sick & open blind eyes -

I will praise You for Your mighty deeds!

But I will not worship the signs - or demand -

these wonders from You.

You are enough.

 I know Your works flow from who You are.

They are, in some mysterious way, inseparable

from Your very character.

You are the God of both the

Old & New Testaments.

But right now You are the God of my today -

And You are writing my testament,

My book.

I long for it to be said

that I sought Your face,

That Your presence was my highest good.

I would love for it also to be said

that there were many colors,

many wonders, many signs

That flowed from the Presence in me.

But that is Yours to write.

I seek Your face -

more than Your hand.

But both are with me.

Photo by:  Moyan Brenn

IF YOU WERE NOT

I cannot imagine life without Him...especially right now.

If You were not Completely Sovereign,

Innately Good,

Insanely Abundant in Love, 

Perfectly Visionary within Your kingdom,

Where would I be?

If You were not Incredibly Wonderful,

Discerningly Perfect as Counselor,

Fiercely Tender as Shepherd,

and Intimately Involved,

How would I go on?

If You were not Majestically Kingly,

Justifiably Lord,

Holiest of Holies,

and Forgivingly Precious as Savior,

On what would I stand?

If You were not my Source of Bread,

my Pure Fountain of Living Water,

My Life-Guiding Truth,

and my Creative Teacher,

By what would I live?

If You were not my Endless Life,

my Song in the Night,

My Protective Hiding Place,

and Shadowy Almighty Wings,

Where would I take refuge?

Even just One of these things would be Enough.

But You are All of them!

You are my Safe Boundary in this life, 

Marking my Alpha & my Omega,

My Beginning & my End.

If You were not...

....but You Are!



Photo by:  Rene Yoshi

THE DEEP

"Deep calls to deep

in the roar of your waterfalls,

All your waves and breakers

have swept over me."

Psalm 42:7

The deepest part of me calls

to the deepest part of You.

In the middle of the rush,

in the power of the pounding waters,

in their threat to overtake me, I cry out...

And You find me.

The deepest part of me calls

to the deepest part of you.

In the roar and in the sweeping over,
in the powerful currents,

in the torrential cascade of life I call...

And we meet.

The deepest part of me calls
to the deepest part of you,
In the heaving, swelling foam & waves,
in the pushing & coursing strength of tides,
in the deafening sound of many waters,
my voice is silenced...

Yet You hear me.

This deep place,

this unanticipated point of encounter,

is only discovered when life

is waves & breakers & pounding water...
And as scary as this place sometimes is,

I am humbled,
and honored,
and amazed
to find depth with You here.

Deep calls to deep, Spirit to spirit.

Longing & fulfillment, need & provision,

confusion & understanding, 

meet in this mysterious & unexpected place.

There is revelation.

There is communion.

There is a deeply renewed hope & strength.
While this may seem incongruent,

It is my most profound & sacred season ever with Him.

The deepest part of me calls,

to the deepest part of you...

Oh! what I would have missed

if His breakers hadn´t swept over me!



Photo by:  Travelbusy.com

GOT LIFE?

                               

                                                                                                                                                   
We have received many wonderful notes from people this year full of love & encouragement.  Certain ones stick out in my memory because of some special message they had that seemed to go straight to my heart.

One such email arrived from our dear Canadian friend Carol who has been praying fervently & tracking closely with us through the blog & emails.  I was so touched & humbled to read that the Lord often wakes her in the middle of the night to pray for us....and she does.  She has raised the question more than once in her emails of ¨If God doesn´t seem to be answering the prayers we are making, is there another way we should be praying?¨ She is helping me to think more strategically about how to align my prayers with God´s heart.  And how can we possibly know what God´s heart is if we are not walking closely and listening intently to Him, not just telling him what we want for Jenna´s situation?

After reading the post THE TALK where we poured out our hearts about the difficult medical news  we had received about Jenna: that basically she is at the end of the road for traditional medicine and that there is no cure for her kind of cancer at this point (according to traditional medicine - you already know what we think about who has the last word!), Carol wrote reflectively about her prayers for us and some scriptures the Lord gave her to pray for us.  This is one of them:

¨I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies, and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.  Do you believe this?¨  Jn 11:25

I was pierced as ¨Do you believe this?¨ jumped out at me.  If I believe that Jesus Himself is Life and that He doesn´t see our lives as linearly as we do, nor does he see this earthly life with the same eyes as we do, what is Life?  Why, it´s Jesus Himself!  And what could be our truest & most fulfilling life but being with Him in a shared spiritual state for all eternity?  He is the One who resurrects!  This earthly life can seem long & involved to us but it is really so very temporary.  While this earthly life is NOT unimportant to Him, neither is it the point!  Real life is to come!

This gave me a new perspective on Jenna´s life.  While we tend to view a young person´s death (or potential death) as tragic, a life cut short, unfulfilled destiny or a waste, God does NOT have the same perspective.  Each of us will not live a moment more or less than what is ordained for us.  And that is a full life in God´s eyes.  How could we ever understand this?  We are so trapped by earthly eyes, mind and body that only our spirit can even begin to grasp by faith some of these heavenly concepts.

Ok, so I still don´t want Jenna to go and am fighting and believing for her life, ok?!  But my heart is more peaceful as I meditate on fundamental truths that are coming alive at this time for me.  My understanding of eternal is different, my understanding of life is different, my understanding of how much I don´t understand is different!  This journey is forcing our whole family to consider beliefs, values, truths and theology that we have perhaps taken for granted or never made very personal.  The heart-harvest in each one of us has been precious as we grapple with these things.

Some people don't want me to talk about death or even accept that it is a  possibility with Jenna.  I respect this as an expression of complete faith in healing and vision for the life that Jesus brings.  I accept it as an absolute refusal to accept human words that can be damaging & even a curse.  But I do feel the need to grapple with possibilities, face possible realities & come to the place of peace in these different scenarios...because I cannot claim that what I think is best is necessarily what God thinks is best.  His thoughts are far above mine.

Believing in Jesus is not a guarantee for healing.  Believing in Jesus doesn't mean that bad or painful things will not happen to you.  It does mean we live different, supernatural realities in the middle of a physical existence.  We have eternal tools at our grasp that others who may not believe in Him don´t have.  But we live in a messed up, sin-filled world that impacts all of us more than we know.  Thankfully, this world is NOT our home.  I don't plan to make it my home or Jenna's home.

Please accept my writings as my process, my pilgrimage, my feeble attempt to walk with the Savior.  A Savior I often don't understand but whom I love & believe incapable of doing anything that in the end does  not flow from a lovingkindness that we have little or no ability to define.

Today I am so thankful that, ¨He who believes in Me will live.¨ Really LIVE.

Photo by:  Stathis Stavrionis

THE OIL PRESS OF SURRENDER

There is something deeply significant about complete surrender to God´s will.  Our process to get there is profound and intimate.  It is unique to us and demands body, soul & spirit.  It is both completely human & entirely supernatural at the same time.

It is often as well a struggle, a war, a crossroads.  It is an altar of laying down, a summit to climb and a pinnacle of release.  It is a completely mysterious surrender of human understanding, human will & of human control.

My oil press?  To fully surrender my daughter´s life to Him & His sovereign, loving plan. Any parent knows that this is our greatest sacrifice.  God also holds this sacrifice as sacred.

I find deep comfort in the scene of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.  He struggled for hours in prayer, sweating drops of blood and knowing what was going to happen to Him said, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me."  His humanity cried out in stark honesty, ¨I don´t want to do this!¨  Yet His deep spiritual surrender to God´s bittersweet plan was total:  ¨Yet not as I will, but as you will.¨ (Mt. 26:39)

The thought of Jesus´ night spent in that garden has taken on even greater significance since I read that Gethsemane means ¨oil press:¨  Surrendering to His will is not an easy process.  It is a painful pressing out of self (my will, my understanding, my fears, my loves, my ideas of the future, my ¨rights¨...) in exchange for the pure oil He produces  from the surrendered heart.

Unlike Jesus, we don´t know ¨all things.¨  But sometimes I don't think it is an advantage to know the future! And it certainly would exempt us from the need to trust God on many levels.  I sense a deep,  essential need for each  one in our family to wrestle with this and come to a place of surrender to His love, His plan, His glory, His understanding.  We need to each, in our own way, style, maturity and age, come to terms with our beliefs about God's goodness & sovereignty.  Releasing our desire to understand is a very deep place.  Choosing to believe in His deep love for Jenna - no matter what that looks like - is holy ground.

The two girls & I were talking the other day about desiring what God wants and Dani said ¨I don´t know if this is a sin or not but I think I must not desire God´s glory very much...I just don´t want His glory more than I want my sister alive!¨

We are human.  We make human confessions like this.  Even Jesus did.  This is an honest part of the process, a necessary aspect of our personal oil press.

So how do we get there?

I suspect it is unique to each of us. Everyone is unique in the first place & their walk with God is subsequently unique as well.  God uses particular - and sometimes uncommon! - tools in each of our lives.  It cost Jesus a night of wrestling in a garden with His Father.  It probably cost Him other times of wrestling before that point that went unrecorded.  It cost Israel 40 years in the wilderness.  It cost Jacob a physical fight and a lasting limp.  It cost Abraham his son (almost).  It cost Jonah 3 days of forced reflection in a smelly, big fish.  It cost Mary a normal family life.  The price & process of surrender  has many faces, many paths, many unexpected, creative God-ways to help us get there.

This will cost me many nights in an ¨olive press¨ .  I need to lay down my own human understanding of my daughter´s destiny, all the joy she gives me, what she brings to our family, the irreplaceable daughter & sister that she is, the gifts & heart that she brings to this world, the love & fun she brings to many friends, the uniqueness of Jesus that she shows to those around her, the hope she can bring to the nations, the love she could give to some man, the wonderful mother she could be, the disciples she could raise, the future she could impact...Laying all this down so that His will can be done (not even knowing what that is), stretches before me like a giant, like a battle I am unprepared for, like a sacrifice like none other...

Oh Lord, please help me walk this road!  Please hold me, counsel me, shepherd me.  Please let my love for You exceed all...especially my human understanding of what is best.  Let my love for You exceed my love even for those most dear to me.  Let me withhold nothing from you - not myself, not my daughter.  Help me in this oil press of surrender...

Help each one of us in our family to come to this place...that holy place where we realize that she has always belonged to You, only to You...and has been lent to us & to this earth for the time and purposes that You ordain in Your love & beautiful plan for all of us.  We hope her years on this earth will be many...¨Yet not as I will, but as You will.¨   (Mt. 26:39)

Photos by:   Matthew Shugart, Marco Bernardini, Chris Pencis and Micha84.

THE ONES FROM MÁLAGA

This group of young people has blown me away.

They are from Málaga & they have stood by us.  This is extra special because Jenna has lived away from here for 5 years now...their immediate & unconditional love from the very anouncement of her diagnosis has been remarkable.  Jenna has friends all over the world from her crazy multi-cultured upbringing and they have also brought undeniable & remarkable support.  But having people close by has filled a special need and has meant the world to her...and to us.

They have gathered here at our house various times in the last 6 months & I have spoken of it under the page Blessings.  But I wanted to highlight them for their significance to us as a family; they have truly been precious to us.

After last night, Jenna said she felt both ¨honored and humbled¨.  I think that´s how we all felt.  To have people gather around you who have travelled sometimes up to an hour or more on a bus to get there and then spend two hours crying out to God in love & worship and in desperation is mind blowing.  We truly have felt honored by their efforts in prayer...both at our home and throughout the week, checking in through a whats app prayer group for her.  Many of them have visited her, brought her gifts of encouragement, come to play games & distract her when she was low, sent her texts & called her to see how she was doing...all of them, old friends and new, have endeared themselves to us.  But this last night was just too awesome to not share in some special way - while at the same time, almost too precious to speak of.

We gathered in our basement where we have spent so many beautiful hours in prayer with so many different people.  But this was different.  They gathered for US.  Just to be with God & each other and to focus on Jenna.  We worshipped in song, prayed, interceded, cried, spoke prophetic words, layed hands on, wept for the long-asked for miracle, spoke words of life, broke any power of the spoken medical ¨sentance¨ over her, surrendered ourselves to His loving & perfect will, gave words of encouragement, declared scriptures that were appropriate, prayed over her again & again.  It was beautiful, powerful, anointed, precious...and there was not a dry eye in the house.  I only have a heart of thanks for these beautiful people.

We boldy asked God for a miracle here, in Spain, in Europe, in the West.  Why should it always be only in 3rd world countries that we hear these stories?  Why can´t God move here?  Surprise the heck out of the Drs in Málaga?  Show His glory in southern Spain??  We won´t let God go until He lets us see Him HERE!!!

Here they are...

There were special words of encouragement spoken to Jenna...and Martin & Stef shared how they were praying with another group of young people earlier that week & how they had prayed for Jen & painted some of the things they had received for her.  Stef presented them to her.

They each wrote on the back interpretations of what God had spoken to

 them about during the prayer time for her...so precious.

This one with grapes over a river was from Stef & its special significance 

about the kingdom of God was explained to Jen.

Here was a climactic time of asking for complete healing & miracles

 in Jenna´s body...she is sitting on a chair in there somewhere!

Here Dani remains on to continue praying & crying out for her sister´s life...

There literally was not a dry eye in the house.  We went through the box of 

kleenex and on to the tp!  Tears are precious to God...and to me.

As if all of this wasn´t enough, one girl left us a basket of homemade cookies.  This meant so much to me because a lot of Spaniards are not bakers - and especially not of cookies!  So she was really thinking of us & went to a special effort to make them.  They were absolutely perfect, too.  :)  Gracias, Ana!!

What can I say??  We are honored by the prayers of so many who rally around us.  It blesses us, humbles us, encourages us, inspires us....and helps us to press into Jesus all the more!

I so want to see something special for their sake.  They are longing to see God do something out of the ordinary.

May their faith encourage us all!

Gracias, jóvenes de Málaga!!!