STILL A CHRISTMAS ALLELUIA*

If there is pristine white
and the exquisite, perfect scent of pine from the greens,
If there's a deliciously lit tree with jubilant colors and the perfect amount of twinkling,
It's a Christmas Alleluia.

If there's a poignant conversation with a loved one,
or a special exchange with a dear friend.
If there is music in unexpected places that surprises & stirs you,
It's a Christmas Alleluia.

If there's comfort & art in the food,
If there's joyful laughter and the earthy smell of cinnamon.
If there are orange crackling fires and warm sweaters,
It's a Christmas Alleluia.

If there's deep longing & anticipation in the advent waiting,
If there are tears of remembrance at an absence,
If there are questions & hesitancy on establishing new traditions,
It's a Christmas Alleluia.

If there is beauty in carols or decorations or in people,
If there are ribbons or stockings or thankfulness,
If there are candles and melodies and mistletoe,
It's a Christmas Alleluia.

If there is thought & action & blessing of those in need,
If there is genuine service & sacrifice to those without,
If there is thought and prayer for those struggling, for those far away,
It's a Christmas Alleluia.

If there is pain in a heart for another, silent tears on cheek,
If there are gestures outside of self or love outside the familiar,
If there is filling of empty places & warmth for frozen lives,
It's a Christmas Alleluia.

If there are cards to be opened with affection,
If there are secrets & winks & loving conspiracies,
If there are yuletide books & peppermint & mugs of steaming hot chocolate,
It's a Christmas Alleluia.

If there are children & laughter & rosy cheeks,
If there are lists & traditions & long-awaited winter break,
If there are special holly-wrapped programs & events to celebrate the season,
It's a Christmas Alleluia.

If there is family to be picked up at the airport,
If there is love and togetherness at long last,
If there are smiles and full cups and hearts,
It's a Christmas Alleluia.

If there is growing closeness to the Savior born,
If there is new wonder at an old, old story,
If there is joy come upon the world,
It's a Christmas Alleluia.

If there is joy or sorrow or a melancholy mingling of both,
If there is grief rekindled in the midst of the delight,
If there is soul in your carols, and salty tears amidst the sweet,
It´s still a Christmas Alleluia.



*Just want to acknowledge Chris Tomlin's new song of similar title "A Christmas Alleluia".

https://youtu.be/j-roVacU27M

Photo by:  Nana B. Agyei

SAUDADES* (for JENNA)

Written with big love & appreciation on the occasion of Karol's

 Masters Recital.  Karol, one of Jenna's dear Brazilian friends, generously

 dedicated her amazing performance to Jenna's memory.  (Post forthcoming on her recital!)

Saudades*...
There is no other word for our longing
for this lovely soul.

For this lover of nations,
For this allegiant, lively friend,
For this ardently devoted fan of family.
Saudades.

For the head thrown back in laughter,
For the smile that lit the room,
For the elegant, mysterious way she carried herself,
Saudades.

For the cultural (& abundant!) odysseys in the kitchen,
For the practical jokes & bets,
For the deep philosophy at night,
Saudades.

For the opinions readily shared,

For the causes & principles she believed in,

For the zealous passion that spilled out around her,

Saudades.

For the broken heart for the poor & oppressed,

For the dreams & vision to make a difference,

For the intolerance for mediocre or indifference,

Saudades.

For the silent hours over a book or journal,

For the prayers poured out with paint or ink,

For the tender strumming of strings & heart,

Saudades.

For the love of learning & discovering,

For the insight & wisdom gently offered,

For the gift of bringing out the best in those around her,

Saudades.

For the genuine, honest heart,

For the last minute running with mate in hand,

For the stunning, natural beauty she was oblivious to,

Saudades.

For the love running over for God,

For the deep & authentic relationship,

For the passionate quest & journey for Love Himself,

Saudades.

For the uncommon global citizen who lived among worlds,

For the one who was nevertheless equally rooted & grounded,

For the girl who always came back to those she loved,

Saudades.

For the one who fought to live,

For the beauty & peace in her final surrender to the Master Plan,

For the one who went back home to the One she loves,

Saudades.

Saudades...

There is no other word for our longing 

For this lovely soul.

*Saudades:  An untranslatable Portuguese word referring to the "melancholic longing or yearning...it is an evoking of a sense of loneliness and incompleteness...poignant sadness, indolent, dreaming wistfulness."                       - from blog.dictionary.com

Photo by:  Carolina Franceschini, taken in Lebanon last year

JUST STAND

"...after you have done everything...stand." 

 Ephesians 6:13b

There are days in this last year plus that just getting out of bed has been a huge victory.  Standing and walking have been huge, too.  In the midst of a fierce, draining battle, standing is actually quite a remarkable and courageous act.

I know these verses are clearly couched in the heart of some of the most powerful and specific teaching on spiritual warfare in the NT.  Sometimes we differentiate between "trials" and "spiritual warfare" when really there is a complex overlap.  Isn't it all about living in a visible earthly realm with a heavenly invisible perspective?  Isn't it all about "making known the mystery" through our lives - especially in our suffering - whatever the catalyst or form our suffering has?  It may be that "simply standing" shows others God's amazing grace in far more tangible & dramatic ways than walking or running.

I have yet to meet someone who likes to be weak or to just "be standing" but if we had any kind of perspective on what it takes for a lot of us to "just stand", they would hold our deepest respect!

On my days when discouragement hovers over me because I get caught up focusing on how long it is taking to recover my physical strength & energy during this time of grief, how little I seem to accomplish in a day compared to before, the anxiety that quickly rises up in me in the face of any stress, the yo-yo of emotions that still overwhelm me, my lack of usual vision & passion in our work, my diminished emotional capacity for people and the spiritual questions that haunt me...I have to remind myself that it is just a day for standing.  "Just stand," He whispers to me, "Today, just stand."

So I am trying to rest in my standing.  To be patient in my standing, to be ok with my standing.  To let others stand with me and to let the world see that I am "just standing" at a time when I could be laying down.  Oh I pray they will see the mystery and grace of my standing!

In the words of Melbourne Street Artists Avant-Garde:

First photo by:  Hamed Masoumi

MOTHER-WINGS

For my treasures, Daniela & Jordan

How my mother-wings long to stretch out over & around them!
Protecting, insulating, harboring...
I long to be a barrier between them & life.
Perhaps because there has been so much in the last year that I have been unable to control,
that now I feel an overwhelming desire to overprotect them -
from pain, sadness, from all that goes wrong, from defeat, rejection & shaken theology.
It is not right that they experience any more pain!
Any hint of potential hurt feels almost unbearable to me.
I feel so helpless before their vulnerability, so inadequate to shield them!

I never have been the hovering type -
but that was before tragedy touched us.
That was before our hearts were broken,
before our lives were changed forever.
Now I want the future to look differently,
And their safety has taken on an inordinate priority!
I have never been as conscious of their emotional safety in all my years as a mother.

Herein lies my struggle - the struggle  of all mothers, really -
I cannot keep them safe from everything.
Mother-wings are not enough.
Oh what a defeating thought for the mother bear inside me!

There is only one thing to do...
the thing that is always right to do...
surrender them to the One with Father-wings,
to the One who is Omni-Everything to them in all places & at all times - I cannot be that.

Help my heart at this altar place, Lord.
Help me in this surrender of my babies!
Help me to surrender the safety of their heart, their emotions, their well-being, their relationship with You, their self-confidence...
Help me in this stubborn wrestling to see them be insulated from what feels like a very big, bad world right now.
And please help me lay down my parental weapons and any illusions of control.

They really are safest in your Omni hands.
My Mother-wings are good for certain times & places -
Your Father-wings are good at all times and in all places!
Their safety is, in reality, only ever in Your control, in Your hands...
in the Shadow-Sanctuary of Your very Almighty wings.

FIX MY EYES

"Then Peter got down out of the boat,
 walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and,
 beginning to sink, cried out, " Lord, save me!"

Matthew 14:29, 30

Fix

my eyes

on the One.

Who knows, who loves, who cries.

Set

my heart 

on the immovable Rock.

Who stabilizes, secures, is unyielding.

Quiet 

my mind

on enduring Truth and Goodness.

My underpinning, my bedrock, my infrastructure.

Align 

my body

to the healing road of Life.

Sound, flourishing, wholeness.

Fix all of me, God,
on Your face.

And on Your extended hand to me.

The one stretched out across the rising waves all around me -

For You are ready to save.

I see it in Your face;
it is fixed with love on me.

Save me, O God,

from this ocean of emotions!

from tumultuous waves of fear & sadness,

from tides of regret & loss...

Calm the storm - the one inside me.

Fix 

my eyes, 

O God.

My heart, mind & body, too.

Focus all of me...on all of You.

Fix 

my eyes.

¨...let us run with perseverance the race 

marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes

on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...¨

Hebrews 12:1,2

Photo by:  Vagelis Kalampalikis

LOOKING FOR THE BEAUTY

¨He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...

to comfort all who mourn...to provide for those who grieve...

bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, 

the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise

 instead of a spirit of despair. ¨ 

Isaiah 61:1-3

In the midst of this pain, Lord,

Make me attentive.

Attentive to unexpected beauty.

Help me to see it, to perceive it.

Let me be in synch

with the Spirit´s redemptive craftsmanship

against this backdrop of tragedy.

A backdrop of ugly rawness, 

painful memories & the smoldering of death.

You say You will bring beauty -

Beauty from the ashes of death,

from the ashes of mourning...

You say You can transform even that.

So let me discern, O Lord,

this promised artistry.

Let me participate in its unfolding,

delight in its telling,

take comfort in its transforming blessing.

Grace my head, O King,

with the garland of beauty.

Grace my heart & life

with restored joy,

with laughter,

with dancing and song.

Make me attentive, Lord,

to the beauty.

Photo by:  Noukka Signe

BRINGING HEAVEN DOWN

They talk to me about eternal -
that "1,000 years is like a day"
or "in the blink of an eye"
or the "thin veil" that separates us
from the wonder of heaven.

But I am here, trapped, in the temporal
and every day is an uncountable number
of blinks of an eye.
A day can feel like a 1,000 years.
And the veil may as well be the Great Wall of China.
Eternity feels so very far away.

Does is it seem unfair to be stuck here?
With loved ones & promises & perfection waiting there?
Oh to see the unknown purposes of God!

It's not that there are not promises for our here & now.
(If not, I would truly perish!)
But our heart is programmed for so much more!
Here we are just pilgrims passing through.
And right now I chaffe against this nomadic life,
this transitory sojourning with divided heart.
For ever since she left us,
I've wanted to be somewhere else like never before.

Oh Lord, give me patience for the days left to me!
Fill them with love & purpose!
And please, let my longings for heaven
transform into deepening passion
to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth.

More of heaven here, Lord, while we wait!
More love, more redemption, more healing,
more salvation, more freedom, more peace...
more of You, Jesus.

Until I can get to heaven, Lord,
Please help me to be one who brings heaven down.




My two realities:

Heaven is the Face by Steven Curtis Chapman

Heaven on Earth by David & Nicole Binion, Covenant Worship

Photo by: Hartwig HKD, Tree of Life