In these shadows
I read
looking for inspiration, hoping for revelation...
but there are only words on a page.
I speak
looking for understanding, hoping for compassion...
but there is only empty advice.
I sleep
looking for sweet rest, hoping for refreshment...
but there is only restlessness & continual fatigue.
I pray
looking for light, hoping for relief...
but there is only a void.
I listen
looking for the Voice, hoping to hear it...
but there is only silence.
Oh God! I cannot see you or find You!
Please reveal Yourself to me!
And if You are here in disguise,
present in ways I have not known before,
please open my eyes, my heart
to perceive, to believe.
In these shadows
help me to read words of life,
find compassion,
sleep the sleep,
see the Light,
and hear the Voice.
In these shadows
help me see past the camouflage of perceptions of God,
past the veil of sadness blinding me,
past the smoke screen of emotions dominating me,
past the illusions of who I should be...
past the veneer of how and where I think I should find You.
I don´t ask You to remove me from these shadows -
just that I can find You here among them.
Photo by: Sundaram Ramaswamy
Amen,I join you asking God for this help.
ReplyDeleteI was just praying for you and Bruce, when I decided to open your blog. I am writing this with tears in my eyes. My heart BLEEDS for you, Pam. I saw a picture of Jenna the other day...she was sitting with a yummy looking cup of specialty coffee, a beautiful castle-like building in the background. Maybe you even took the picture. When I saw that picture of Jenna, I was overtaken by her physical beauty and wondering why God took her from you in this life. Then I remembered that none of us really "belong" to anyone else, but only to the Lord. But that thought doesn't lessen the deep, empty pit in a parent's heart after the loss of their child. We will never, ever thoroughly understand God's ways, this side of Heaven. But someday soon...on THAT side of Heaven...we will. AND WE ALL GET TO SPEND ETERNITY WITH JENNA!!! Always praying for you, Pam...
ReplyDeletePam--we are lifting you up in the void & shadow& silence of your grief. Why God allows the sense of separation from him--the numbness, we have no idea. I remember reading in A Grief Observed, when CS Lewis writes about his grief he says it was the hardest part--his feeling separated from God and not able to feel his comfort or hear his voice at all. You are living reality on a different plane than the rest of us right now, so we listen and feel and read and most of all pray for you.
ReplyDeleteI share this prayer, Pam.
ReplyDelete