IN GRIEF

Many things stir up grief unexpectedly. You think you´re finally at a certain point when Boom! something inside you explodes. And so the sadness of the COVID-19 around the world has not only provoked varying emotions in me, it has been a trigger to my own hidden stuff. Grief is never over, it just changes. My own grief in its many diverse expressions & stages is now calling out for attention. Understandably, it is also a time of decreased activity and increased reflection. I should have seen it coming...



So many stages, seasons, shades
of grief
So many days, months, years
of grief
So many tears, sleepless nights, breaths
of grief
So many adaptations, adjustments, sacrifices
of grief.

So much illness, weakness, fatigue
to grief
So much justification, questions, theology
to grief
So much toxicity, pain, wrestling
to grief
So much time, intensity, challenge
to grief.


So many scars, nightmares, trauma
from grief
So many marks, lessons, walls
from grief
So many changes, losses, limps
from grief
So many special days, bittersweet days, melancholy days
from grief.

So, so many
Too, too many...

Too many memories, songs, jokes
in grief
Too many emotions, attitudes, efforts
in grief
Too many mornings, afternoons, nights
in grief
Too many reality checks, second glances, shadows
in grief.

Too many storms, misunderstandings, clouds
in grief
Too many hidden meanings, paradoxes, mysteries
in grief
Too many closets, papers, photos
in grief
too many choices, behaviors, mementos
in grief.

So, so many
Too, too many...

So much love, caring, comfort
with grief
So much depth, honesty, genuineness
with grief
So much change, maturing, sweetening
with grief
So much compassion, understanding, empathy
with grief.

So many words, prayers, hugs
with grief
So many journals, albums, pages
with grief
So many paintings, songs, dances
with grief
So many moments, presence, consolation
with grief.

So much, so many
Too much, too many
in grief.




Photo by:  Johannes Neustifter